Pain of the past

I look back from Harry and Ron to Liza a few times, and eventually decide to catch up to Liza. "Wait up!" I yell, turning back to Ron and Harry for a seconds, to use my hand to shoo them, with a scowl planted frimly on my face. "Liza" I say, running back "ARe you okay though, seriously?"

I flex my hand and mutter something, biting my lip to stop from shouting in pain as my hand repairs itself.
"I'm find, perfectly wonderfully dandy and happy, just keep your 'boyfriend' away from me, the little creep. I'll do more than break his nose if he does it again," I say warningly. Whether he's dating Hermione or not, I'll kill the b*stard

"I will, trust me on that" I say, furrowing my brow angrily at the thought of Ron acting his worst like that "He wont come within a mile of you, if it's up to me." I laugh at my newst thought "Bet you're glad you're a lesbian so you don't have to deal with guys like that all the time"

I have a dark frown on my face, "Yeah, I don't have to deal with guys because I'm a lesbian, thats right...I don't have to deal with the sick perverted asreh*les. Thats exactly what I don't have to do," I say, my frown turning into a scowl of the darkest most hateful kind.

"I'm sorry, Liza, I only meant it as a.. joke... ttype.....thing" I say, my voice trailing away slowly as I see Lizas scowl of hatred "I am sorry... I meant it as.. Excuse me Liza, but is something wrong... other than the whole Ron scenario?"

I look away, freezing up totally, "I'm not talking about it, it was a long time ago, it happened, it's over," I say softly, my voice quiet and dangerous as I lash out suddenly at the wall, punching a hole through it and feeling my bones crack. I mutter an incantment and struggle to restrain a scream as the bones remeld together.
I start walking down the corridor towards the room of requirement, walking past the wall three times.

I see Liza walk into the room of Rrequirement, my mouth open in an 'o' of shock as I run in before the hole closes up. "Liza, something is eating at you, and I'm going to persevere until you speak."

The room is covered in pictures of me and a hot looking Quidditch player from Viktor's team, one of his friends.The pictures show us looking happy together, and I sit on the sofa in the room, staring at the walls.
"I wasn't always a lesbain, I had a boyfriend. It changed though, now I can't stand being with a boy, being hugged or touched by one. The memory is still fresh, ever after so many years...I trusted him and he..." I trail off miserably, the pictures suddenly bursting into flames,and the ashs flaoting to the floor.

The 'o' my mouth was in turns slightly bigger "he.. he what, Liza?" I say, dreading the answer I could guess was to come. And I'm usually right about this sort of thing...

"I was so innocent when it came to that, so naive,and he used that...he...he," I can't say it, it hurts me to even thing it, "He stole what no man has a right to steal, he forced me, and no-one believed me...I was the deatheater's daughter, he was a Quidditch star. It was to easy for him..."

I knew I was good at guessing, I think with a small, sad sigh "Oh Liza..." I say with a hug to her "Your past... how do you sleep at night knowing how haunted your past is, I wouldn't be able to live." I mutter, feeling like sobbing for her, but I really cna't "But now, there's a future, you're at Hogwarts now, hardly any peple I know here are like that... excpet maybe Draco, and the way Ron can speak sometimes... but the odds of it happening again are slim - I won't say impossible, but slim. You shouldn't let any events rule your life." I screw up my forehead in sadness for her, pity even, but d=she shpouldn't know that, she might hit me like she did ron.

I flinch and pull away, not able to handle contact while I was just thinking of the incident.
"My past, it rules my future. Who I trust, how I feel, how I react to certain things...I don't sleep at night anymore, I live with charms to keep me awake, I can't eat, I have to have charms for that...I just can't take it anymore. That's another reason I tried to jump from the broom, it's all too much for me..." I admit, staring into a fire that appeared.

I sigh that same sigh as before "This really is awful, you can't. Can't! Can't let these events take over, even if you already have. Not everyones like that, there's a heck of a lot of people out there that you can trust. Its just those few retards that make everything bad in the world."

[i was gunna continue, but i hav to go to school]

I can't look at her, she doesn't know...but maybe I can tell her.
"There is...there is more. The result, I fell...I was...I was going to have baby, because he hadn't thought when he took me, he didn't use the spell or anything...It was going to be a little girl, and I was going to call her Odyne. I was going to keep her, raise her properly, not like I had been treated. But Donatien, he didn't want me to, he told me to abort...he knew that is I had the baby everyone would know I was telling the truth about what he did to me...but I wouldn't do it, I could kill a baby...my baby...my little baby girl," I speak, my tone softening when I talk about the child, about Odyne.

Then a single tear rolls down my cheek and I look as though I could shatter into a million pieces, "He hexed me, in my stomach, he...he forced me to miscarry. I lost her, I lost my baby because I couldn't protect her...I couldn't do anything..." I whimper as I slumb to the floor in a heap and begin to cry quietly, tears rolling down my face.

"You have no...no idea what it's like, to know you have the chance to bring someone into the world, to know someone will rely on you...and to have it ripped away and not be able to do anything...I felt hollow for so long after, like a piece of me is missing...can you understand that? How much it hurt me to have that happen?" I ask, sobs racking my body as I pour my soul out, trusting Hermione.

"I could handle the beatings from my parents and the rape that no-one believed...but my baby girl gone. I think, what would it have been like is I'd saved her, would she have looked like me? Would she have had my eyes or nose? What would she have sounded like when she cried or gurgles, or how she would look as she took her first steps...I close my eyes at night and I imagine how it could have been, it haunts me because I lost my chance...the loss is killing me inside. I can't eat because she never will, I can't sleep because she'll never wake...my Odyne, she was gone before she was here, and it's my fault for not protecting her," I sob, bitterly crying as I let the pain sting my heart.

This time, instead of feeling like I should sob, I do, let the tears fall "Oh Liza, I really, really don't believe how you could go through all of this..." I reach to hug her, but realise how to flinched away last time, and stop, pulling my arms back "The only thing, the only thing, I can think of to say, is that your 16, your story is only a few pages in. Theres a whole novel out there in the future, waiitng for you to complete, and... and only you can change the outcome of the book, from sob-story to feel good read of the year." Stop momentariy, letting silence fill the room "You know. Even if that didn't convince you. You've hit rock bottom. And guess what? There's only one way to go now. Up." I send a sad smile in Lizas direction, and shuffel around in the chair I'm sitting at, feeling shaken by everything I'd foun out about Liza since she'd attended Hogwarts.

I nod to her, curling up as I cry, looking very vunerable, something that I never normally look.
"I know...up up up, can only go up," I mutter through my tears, trying to regain control of my emotions, I hate feeling so weak inside. I just...I had been fourteen when it happened, too young to think of everything when it happened, and now I think of it I realise how much it had been. It's crashing into my mind, and its tearing me apart. I don't sleep or eat, and even with my spells, it's still wearing me down. I don't know how longer I can last on my own. I feel so empty, so unloved. I have Hermione, but she's my friends, she doesn't fill the gap Odyne left. I have Lily, but she never told me she loved me, even when risked everything and told her how I feel. I think she cares, but I don't know if she loves me. I'm so confused and hurt, and I just don't know what to do.

"Come on" I say, grabbing her arm, and staring at the pictures on the wall, not moving, but now changing from one picture to anotheer, of things that wer probably going through Lizas mind "Lets go, this place can only drag you down further." I tug on her arm, and begin to walk towards the door to the hallway.

I nod numbly, letting her pull me outside, and then we see Draco.
"Oh look, the mudblood and blood traitor, polluting the air agian are you? Still, you can't help be filthy, except you Fey. You're just pathetic, you look like you've been crying, you wimp." he says, and something in me snaps, maybe the lack of sleep, or the lack of food, or maybe just the memories.
"SHUT UP!" I scream at him, and he is sent flying backwards with the same strange power that blew up my house.
"SHUT UP SHUT UP!" I shout hystrically, and I start to hover above the ground, Draco getting tossed around the hall, obviously terrified. I haven't hurt him yet, but my eyes are changing red, my anger and hurt radiating from me in droves. I can't control myself anymore, I'm fighting a losing battle with myself.
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" I roar at him, and he is slammed against a wall with force.

"LIZA" I yell, grabbing her arm tight, and pulling her away "He might be an ignorent oaf, but he didn't cause your problems! Grab hold of yourself!" I pull tightly on her arm, desperatly dragging her in the direction of Gryffindor Tower "You need rest. Good hard re...." I don't even finish the word as Draco gets back from the wall, looking slightly dazed, and rubbing his head, but he still had the cocky gleam in his eye, and he wasn't about to let this go.
"Whats that Fey? I have no idea? Have no idea about what? Oh wait, don't tell me" He says, looking smug and saying sarcastically "You killed your parents and then got raped? Is that it" I wince as he gives a dry laugh at his own 'joke', and look sadly, fearfully at Liza.

"YOU BASTARD MALFOY! I scream at him, flying over and grabbing him by his collar, ramming him against the wall, his head bouncing.
"You have no idea what it feels like to go through that you prick, you don't know what it's like to lose a child. Did you know that bit huh? Did you know I was going to have a little girl?" I rage, pulling him away from the wall and punching him repeatedly until he has a split lip and a bloody nose.
"Did you know that the same man who raped me hexed me so I'd lose my baby, did you know that, did you?!" I demand, kneeing him in the gonads and holding him up so I can headbutt him viciously. Then I fling him to the ground and step on his wind pipe, slowly starting to crush it.
"You're dumb f*ck of a cousin did it, you know that bit, your daddy dearest tell you that part you jackass?" I ask with a demented rage in my eyes as I take my foot off of his windpipe and kick his head.
"Did you? Did he boast about how he got the Fey girl AND THEN KILLED HIS OWN GODDAMN CHILD! DID HE TELL YOU THAT?!" I scream, kicking Draco in the ribs as hard as I can, hearing a crack.

I wince again, at the crack of his ribs, and put up a sheild charm in front of draco, so liza cannot get to him. "LIZA. He deserved that, really he did, like Ron deserved his punch, but this wont solve a thing!" I grab the back of Lizas collar, and drag her away from him, and, when we're one or two metres away, grab hold of her two shoulders, and shake her furiously, my face, and eyes, a soggy red, sad, scared, not at all portraying my angry actions. "Liza" I say as I shake her "See sence, see that he's not the one you should be beating the crap out of, he was just being himself... which is an awful thing really, but you shouldn't take too much offence to it. He wasn't even guessing. He was being sarky. I think. but... just... I'm taking you to Dumbledore, he should be in his office round about now... I'm only doing this so you can calm down. He'll understand" I give a small smile and stand behind her, pishing her in the direction of his office, and not bothering to take down the sheild charm.

"HE WON'T UNDERSTAND!" I shout, anger blasting out of me, making me loose control, ingoring sense and reason. I hover in the air, my hair flying up around me, flames bursting up around my body. I'm not hurt by it, but I'm insanely angry.
"DIE SCUM DIE!" I roar, hurling fireballs are Draco, getting rid of the shield with a single thought. He reminds me of everything I hate, he is everything I hate.
"DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!"

I squnit my eyes, and hover - not literally, Like Liza - on the spot, thinking desperately of what to do before Liza murders Draco. Not even thinking clearly, I run as fast as I can towards Dumbledores Office, passing Ron and Harry as I go, and scowling at them. When I reach his office, and say random words til I get his password, I run up the spiraling staircase, and open the door, withour knocking.
"Miss Granger?! What is the meaning of this?" he says in his frail old voice, angry, but with a hint od worriedness and curiosity in it.
"LIZA FEY IS GOING TO KILL DRACO MALFOY" I scream at him, running back out, and hearing his light footsteps behind me, following as I gte back to Liza, about to try and kill malfoy.
"MISS. FEY!" Screams Dumbledore, and Draco looks releived, as do I.

My voice is distorted and not mine, "HE DESERVES IT! HIS FAMILY MADE MY LIFE HELL, HE MADE MY LIFE HELL!" I scream at them, the building beginning to shake with the force of my anger. I power up a fire ball and hurl it at Draco, who ducks just in time.
"I'm sorry Liza!" he apologizes, running down the hall with me chasing him.
"DON'T USE MY FIRST NAME YOU PIECE OF SCUM!" I yell, hurl balls of kitnic energy at him, knocking him off his feet and trying to pin him down so I can murder the little bugger.

I look down angrily and stare at the floor. I feel awful for Liza, but there's nothing I, or Dumbledore apparently - I can see him trying to pull Liza away, trying to help Draco out of the corner of my eye - can do to help her. And it looks like we can't even help Draco. I look up from the floor, to my right, and sigh again, like I have been doing alot recently, and push past Liza Dumbledore and Draco, nearly treading on Malfoy's chest as I go, and stalk away slowly, down the corridor and away from all the mess. Going nowhere in particualr, just walking away without a second glance.