Beauty from pain

I sit opposite her, not sure what to say.
"I'm so sorry Lily, I should had realised, I should have known," I apologize, my voice strained and pained. I should have noticed, I should have paid more attention. I was so caught up in my own plot and plans I failed to see when the one I love needed me, even if she doesn't want to admit it.
"Why though Lily, why are you doing this to yourself?" I ask her softly, my voice concerned, so full of worry.

i looked down my eyes away from liza, i couldnt bear to look at her face,the worry the tension,
then the question came 'why did i do this?' I closed my eyes and let the tears fall once again,
"I became depressed while i was at boarding school, the day i was ...hurt.. i would look at myself in disgust, and not eating made me feel..beautiful.." I say quietly trying to hide the fact i needed someone, someone to be with me, someone to help me to show me hope.

She starts crying and I can hardly bare it, I want to take away her pain so much. i sit close to her, wrapping agentle arm around her, hoping she won't pull away agian, and I wipe away her tears with a soft thumb.
"Oh Lily," I murmur into her hair, "You don't need to starve yourself to be beautiful, you already were. You're beautiful inside and out, but this...this is insane, you'll end up killing yourself," I say softly, pained to say it.
"I just wish you'd said something, or that I'd realised earlier...I want to help you Lily, please let me. I want to be there for you, to help you past all of this, before its too late,"

I felt her arm and around me and felt safe, i had already hurt her too much to day i kept her close.
"i didnt want to say anything, i was scared you'd reject me... im scared of everything.." i say quietly tugging at my robe.
"I was never beautiful, you've didnt know me when i wasnt like this.. "

I hold her close to me, "Lily I don't care about how you look, I care about you. I'd love you is you were a whale or if you were a scarecrow, I love you okay, now how you look, just you," I reassure, trying to comfort her.
"I love you, and I'd never reject you because you have a problem, I'm here to help you, you have nothing to be afraid of around me," I promise, kissing the top of her head softly.

I kept my gaze upon the floor and began to fiddle with my thumbs as the rain began to pour down .
i pulled her into a hug and kept her close.
"please help me.."

I'm surprised when she hugs me and asks for help, but I wrap my arms around her protectively, happish in a way, that she wants my help.
"Of course I'll help Lily, anything I can do I will, I promise you," I say softly, running a hand through her hair and holding her close to me, "Everything I can do to help you, I will."

I don't now what else to do, so I just hold her close, letting her feel the love I have for her, letting it form a protective shield.

As she held me close, i felt that i was protected, never to be hurt, that for once i had found my place, the love i felt coming from her kept me warm made me feel happy and safe, i smiled and closed my eyes not wanting to let go.

I softly kiss the top of her head, running my hand along her arms gently.
"Just please talk to me Lily, don't block me out anymore," I say softly, resting my head on hers lightly.

I nodded slightly not really wanting to waster energy speaking, just keep the moment longer,

I smile when she inclines her head in a slight nod, enjoying the moment, enjoying her being here with me when I remember something.
"Perhaps we should tell everyone that you're alive and I'm not a complete lunatic, we left the courtyard rather dratically," I say, and then explain what happened while she was unconsious.